Billy the Baker Returns (A Fable in the Style of George Ade*).
|
Caption. One of Billy's Not So Best
Once upon a time there was a Young Man who decided to do Something with his life. This was not a spontaneous Moment. No, his Father put it to him, telling him it was time to pay Rent or move out.
So, Billy, as he was called, said he was going to the Tontine Baking School in a distant city. It was something, he said, he always wanted to do, although that was News to everyone.
Irregardless (yes, I know) the neighbors and his friends gave him a Wowser of a send off Party - gifts and all - and put him on the Express Train to the distant town, his parents waving Fervently.
Sue, his gal, was not all that keen on Billy leaving, but there was Harold who might be getting a job at the mill, so ....
After a while Billy came back. When would he start baking? he was asked. Well, it seems that Bakery School did not really work out. He had had some Bad luck. He lost all his Money and someone stole his Good Clothes.
His dad, Lester, had a heart-to-heart talk with Billy and told him, ?I am sorry Bakery School fell through, Son. Rent is due on the 15th.
Momma cried in the hallway and felt bad for Billy, her darling.
Billy was inspired again. He no longer wanted to be a Baker; what he wanted to be was a Computer Technician; he sure knew a lot about Gaming, Hacking and Spamming, even AI, so announced he was headed to school again, this time to the Garfunkel School of Cyber Technology in Des Moines.
Well, it was time for another send-off party and everyone gave it their best, albeit a bit begrudging. They knew Billy was glued to his Computer, so maybe, just maybe he would find his Role in Life.
After a big Party, more but smaller gifts and send-off speeches Billy jumped on the train to Des Moines.
Nothing was heard for several months and then, one night, he was back in town. Well, things had not gone as planned, etc.
Dad Lester was not Pleased, having footed the Bill for the Bakery School and for the School of Cyber Technology. Mom was happy to see Billy but wondered about his Appetite and not cleaning up after Himself. She was wondering, since he knew how to work a computer, how come he knew Nothing about a Washing Machine or a Vacuum?
After a few Weeks, Lester asked Billy for the Rent and Billy said he had really found a Career - this time he was going to go off and become a
Phlebotomist and get a degree at the nearby Leech Institute for Phlebotomy just across the State line.
No farewell party this time, Billy snuck off on the late Train.
Halfway, an Airplane crashed into the train and the airline compensated the Survivors each a million dollars. Billy, a Survivor, put his money in the bank, and no one ever again asked him about his life ambitions.
He no longer lives with Lester and Momma; they live with Billy (and Sue) on the Lake in a Mansion a lot like Graceland with a fulltime Housekeeper and a herd of llamas.
Everyone admires Billy, especially around gift giving holidays.
Moral. Sometimes flunking out of Bakery School is a good thing.
* Billy first appeared
in 2016 as a Friday Fable. He (Billy) is based on a fellow student from when I was at Braintree High School outside of Beantown (aka Boston, MA). He, I forgot his name, did go away to Bakery School with a celebratory sendoff but was never heard from again.
For more by and about George Ade, America?s fabulist, go to this link.
***********
FOR MORE FABLES and much more, order this book!
And, for how to bring out the best in Billy, read this book:
Leading from the Middle, is available at Amazon.
Copyright John Lubans 2016 & 2024