While reading Senator John Kennedy’s book, “How to Test Negative for Stupid” (2025) I harked back to Bierce’s biting commentary on American politicians. Bierce had no use for fools, so he would have been delighted to meet Mr. Kennedy, an Oxford graduate, a native of Louisiana and a top notch lawyer.
Mr. Kennedy tells, in the book, of his rise in Louisiana politics and the frequent requests for mutual back-scratching, the omnipresent “quid pro quo” and other chicanery.
If anyone qualifies for Mr. Bierce’s Gentleman of this fable, it is Mr. Kennedy.
The Fable:
A Party Manager said to a Gentleman whom he saw minding his own business:
“How much will you pay for a nomination to office?”
“Nothing,” the Gentleman replied.
“But you will contribute something to the campaign fund to assist in your election, will you not?” asked the Party
Manager, winking.
“Oh, no,” said the Gentleman, gravely. “If the people wish me to work for them, they must hire me without solicitation. I am very comfortable without office.”
“But,” urged the Party Manager, “an election is a thing to be desired. It is a high honour to be a servant of the people.”
“If servitude is a high honour,” the Gentleman said, “it would be indecent for me to seek it; and if obtained by my own exertion it would be no honour.”
“Well,” persisted the Party Manager, “you will at least, I hope, indorse the party platform.”
The Gentleman replied: “It is improbable that its authors have accurately expressed my views without consulting me; and if I indorsed their work without approving it I should be a liar.”
“You are a detestable hypocrite and an idiot!” shouted the Party Manager.
“Even your good opinion of my fitness,” replied the Gentleman, “shall not persuade me.”
*Source: FANTASTIC FABLES By AMBROSE BIERCE, New York and London: G. P. PUTNAM & SONS, The Knickerbocker Press, 1899.
N.B. For other essays on numerous topics and fables go to my Nucleus archive from 2010-early 2025.
© Copyright John Lubans 2025