Leading from the Middle

Caption: Introvert illustration by Reinis Pētersons and Anete Konste for Latvian Literature export campaign #iamintrovert, 2017- 2024.

It seems like Work From Home (WFH), or hybrid work, has created an epidemic of eating at one's desk. There may be good reasons to do so, but nutritionists and psychologists suggest this is not so good.
You need the break from the desk routine and you should get up and away for exercise and change of scene.
Given the "Covid 15" many gained from working at home, that advice is something you can get your teeth into (Sorry).
Anyway, a recent article suggesting alternatives to eating at one's desk led me to think about another corporate adage.
It's in the gratuitous advice I offer to my students: "Never eat lunch alone".
I'd heard this bit of networking advice here and there, but it was not until I discovered the figurative sands at my feet giving way when I began to regret all those introvert times when I ate alone. Yet, I did solo lunches for good reasons:
To review the day, to recharge, and to let my mind wander - some pretty good ideas came my way.
Jerry Campbell, my former boss, sees at least two good reasons to get away from the madding crowd: "(Eating alone) shields one from whatever the current version of group-think may be.... This encourages one to think through issues based on one's own research and estimation of the merit of various outcomes (rather than filtering them first through one's pals).
And, secondly, when change is needed, it can be helpful to feel like an outsider. Oddly enough, that feeling can serve as a kind of inspiration for one to persist and struggle to find innovative possibilities and solutions."
His elegant insight puts into words what may have been my rationale for when I regularly ate alone and, weather permitting, did so outdoors in a garden or on a bench alongside a leafy sidewalk.
But, networking, we are admonished, is essential to making your careeer's way. We are told that it is only through social interaction that one develops business networks.
Don't be an outsider. The talklative, it is suggested, move up the corporate ladder faster than do Lonesome Sams.
Some of that is playing out in unintended ways for the die-hard WFHs who refuse to come back to the office. Guess who?s getting the promotions and bonuses?
When I asked Gemini (Google's AI) to suggest a country western song for a lonely lunch, it made up its own. Here's the chorus:
Never eat lunch alone, that's what Grandpa use to say
Share a bite, share a story, chase the loneliness away
Pull up a chair, stranger friend, there's room beneath this sky
Laughter's on the menu, best served with a twinkle in your eye
It's plaintive and it's got the twang and then some. Its "Another sandwich sittin' solo" is alliterative genius. See the full song below.*
I told Gemini it has a future on Nashville's Music Row!
Would my lunching with colleagues have made a difference when I found myself no longer an insider but on the outside looking in?
Would the camaraderie at our jolly lunches have done something to hold off my exit stage left?
I have to think, that, Nah, our work place "friends" are not real friends. They are fellow travelers and more "one for one" than "one for all".
When there's an exception to this dismal prospect, well, sing Gemini's chorus, friend and I'll join you with a Shiner long neck in my hand.
Now, what about another adage: "Always pay for your own meal"? Women may have virtuous reasons when insisting on paying their way - you know what I mean? - but guys, well less so.
A male friend said he made a practice of it so there was no beholding, like in "there's no free lunch".
If someone offered to buy easily-corruptible-me a meal, why, thank you.
One of my business colleagues went so far as to stop the practice of a vendor (they had a lucrative monopoly on our business) hosting my two dozen peers and me to a swell meal in a fancy restaurant in San Francisco or Chicago.
I reluctantly went along with her anti-corruption policy and reached for my wallet with tears in my eyes. (There's a song there.)
Since the vendor usually was doing a bit of soft selling during the meal I figured they could pay. But, my uncorruptible colleague firmly, if misguidedly, said, No.
Now, there are times when I want to play the bonhomie host and am happy to cover the costs.
I don't regret doing that, but it becomes uncomfortable when the guest - at least I think they are my guest - insists on paying.
It strikes me that the guest is refusing my hospitality to avoid any future obligations on which I will try collect.
When I offer to pay through friendship, and it is refused, it's a form of rejection.
A delicate flower like me swoons at the snub.
I wonder what song Gemini could come up with for that?
My solution is to invite people to my home and then there's no question of who picks up the tab.

* Gemini with a guitar and in a sequined jacket and cowboy hat:
(Verse 1)
Dusty boots kickin' gravel, noon sun beatin' down
Another sandwich sittin' solo, same ol'onesome town
Belly rumblin', thoughts a-wanderin', missin' somethin' more
Than just lukewarm fries and silence through the dusty diner door
(Chorus)
Never eat lunch alone, that's what Grandpa use to say
Share a bite, share a story, chase the loneliness away
Pull up a chair, stranger friend, there's room beneath this sky
Laughter's on the menu, best served with a twinkle in your eye
(Verse 2)
Sawmill whistle screams its welcome, lunchtime rush is on
Folks from fields and factories, gatherin' 'round like dawn
Truck driver grinnin', tellin' tales of highways seen
Shopkeeper listenin', noddin' with a knowing, weathered mien
(Chorus)
Never eat lunch alone, that's what Grandpa use to say
Share a bite, share a story, chase the loneliness away
Pull up a chair, stranger friend, there's room beneath this sky
Laughter's on the menu, best served with a twinkle in your eye
(Bridge)
Life's a highway, long and windy, sometimes hard to navigate
But a shared meal, a simple word, can ease the weight
So open up your heart and plate, let kindness be your guide
Connection's waiting, warm and real, right here by your side
(Chorus)
Never eat lunch alone, that's what Grandpa use to say
Share a bite, share a story, chase the loneliness away
Pull up a chair, stranger friend, there's room beneath this sky
Laughter's on the menu, best served with a twinkle in your eye
(Outro)
So raise a glass to empty seats, where friendships soon may bloom
Never eat lunch alone, under heaven's open room

__________________
An ideal book for eating solo:


And, better than a Do Not Disturb sign when dining alone, Leading from the Middle, is available at Amazon.

Copyright text John Lubans 2024

 

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